How’s your bullshit detector doing is an interesting question. Before I started writing this blog, I checked these words with my two sons of 15 and 18 years old.
I don’t know yet what I want to write about, but I have some words in mind; Bullshit detector.
My 15-year-old started to smile. Funny how the word ‘shit’ can always make children laugh…
So, I asked him; Wat is a Bullshit detector for you?
He wasn’t sure, but he said: When somebody is telling something that is so stupid it cannot be true.
Me: Ah yes indeed! How do you know?
He: Well, because it’s too exaggerated to be true.
Me: So that makes that person a liar?
He: Yes.
I said: Ok. And hmmmm…. Do you tell Bullshit sometimes??
He looked at me and smiled… haha you mama.
I laughed too and said: Yeah, now all of a sudden, it’s less funny, isn’t it?
He acknowledged with a nod of his head.
Let’s face it, it’s always easier to say something about the other than about yourself.
We both laughed.
I also asked my 18-year-old son what those words evoke in him.
He’s more of a mathematician, so he answered; That the radar detector does not work.
I love my kids.
What is meant with a bullshit detector?
What is meant with the bullshit detector will be explained here. It is an internal guide, called your intuition, that provides the ability to recognize when someone our yourself is exaggerating, lying or talking nonsense. If you give a fake answer on a question, be warned—the average human being has a very good bullshit detector.
This expression is not even that old, the first usage was around the 1970-1975s.
Saying Yes, but wanting No
I was going for a weekend to the mountains in the Pyrenees with a friend, her daughter and a friend with her 2-year-old daughter. Very beautiful area, the views were stunning! First day we went for a walk around a lake, 9.3 kms. My friend and I left the other girls alone as we wanted to speed up the walking and with a toddler that is more difficult. The walk was great; I was tired afterwards and went to bed early, slept for 11 hours straight. I never do that!
Next day they got up very early and when I came down in the living they said; hurry up, we’ll have to drive 45mins and then up to 2000 meters for another hike, which will take all day, prepare and bring lunch.
The thought alone was killing me. I got a ball in my stomach. Feeling I had to adapt and go with them. But you know what? I love the mountains… for skiing… walking up a mountain is not my thing.
UGH! I knew it straight away; I didn’t want to come. But at the same time, I felt sort of an obligation to come along as they invited me for the weekend. So, what to do? I first replied ‘oh yes, nice another walk, but is it possible to go home half day?’. Euh, no, that was complicated as it was really going up a mountain. I knew I had to say NO, but I felt worried, frustrated and guilty. I didn’t know how to bring it about without hurting their feelings.
That’s where I listened to my internal gut; my bullshit detector. Esther, you don’t feel like doing this, so cut the bullshit and say you’re not going to come. Which I did. Sorry girls, I’m not coming along, I’m very happy to stay here and relax.
They looked really surprised and tried to convince me to come. I had expected them to do that. I stuck with my NO, told them a like a hike but not necessarily a complete day. No need to change plans for me too. I had seen a spa and would go there in the afternoon and the morning just quiet time. Which I did; a coffee on the sunny terrace and I phoned my 84-year-old mother and a friend. Great to catch up with them. In the afternoon over 3 hours in the spa; sauna, hammam, multiple types of jacuzzi, warm hot stones… so relaxing!
The morale of this story; I became aware that there’s a lot of internal bullshit excuses to go along and adapt to another person. But that is not making myself happy. I can and should allow myself to listen to my internal needs and act upon them, no matter what another person thinks about it.
How’s your bullshit detector doing?
How’s your bullshit detector doing is the title of this blog. Do you recognise when somebody tells ‘bullshit’? How do you know?
- Can you feel it?
- Just know it, without being able to explain why?
- Can you hear it in the other person’s voice?
Let’s examine that a little bit.
It’s bullshit for you because it goes against your values, feelings and against knowledge you have so far. Right?
Now imagine the other person is telling you something that you do not know. That can be hard for you to understand. The other person might be an expert in something that you don’t know all details about.
Consider the fact that we are all conditioned that what we have learned so far, is the truth, right? Now if something is too new or deviating from ‘your truth’, you might consider that as bullshit. But is it really? If you consider something being said as bullshit, what does that tell you about the other? Does that make him a liar?
When we consider somebody to be a liar, we tend to put them in a corner of our mind .. that one… pfff… a liar….
Telling little lies
Telling little lies is something we all do. Let me ask you this question: do you sometimes lie?
You know, those little lies that you consider okay to lie about. But it’s still lying, isn’t it? So, basically, you’re a liar.
Are you even aware that you’re telling untruths?
That you’re exaggerating?
Does your own bullshit radar goes off when you do?
Are you aware why you do that? What prevents you from telling the truth?
- Afraid of hurting somebody?
- Worried to offend somebody?
- Afraid people will critize you?
- Afraid of the unknown?
- Afraid somebody will reject you?
- Afraid of change?
Does that mean you adapt yourself to the other person?
Let’s take a side step to another subject: Values. Most people have ‘honesty’ as a value on their list of values. If you do not like liars, how come you act like one by telling little lies, your bullshit! The ones you lie to, will put you in the corner of their mind… oh that one… that’s a liar.
Interesting twist, isn’t it?
With the help of your inbuilt bullshit detector, you can become more aware of your own little lies you tell and that is a key to be able to change and learn and grow.
The book Radical honesty by Brad Blanton
The book Radical honesty by Brad Blanton has inspired me tremendously. In his book he explains that by telling the total raw truth you can transform your life.
It is about to listen more to one’s intuition and just telling the truth how you feel it. He goes really far in telling the truth!! And I mean REALLY FAR…!! It was giving me red ears… lol and I’m not sure if I would go as far as he goes.
However, thanks to the book, I had become more and more aware of when and where in my life I was adapting to others and uttering all kind of crap excuses. I was more often than not saying the truth, nor what I really wanted or what I needed.
My bullshit detector had gone off frequently but I didn’t always listen to it.
I understood that I was holding myself back because I was worried what the other person might think about me.
Afraid somebody might reject me because of what I would say.
Yet if I was not showing the real me, I would not be accepted by the other person as they would feel intuitively, I was not being ‘real’!
Telling the truth and be frank about what you think and feel is very liberating. It prevents building up internal stress, secrets. Since I’ve read that book, I’m more aware about myself what I say. I challenge you, to start being more aware of the little lies you might be telling and try telling the truth the way you feel it.
What is interesting too is that I detect quicker if the other person is talking bullshit. Where before I would maybe comment on it, now I just don’t say anything and let them believe their excuses. That is about them, not about me. Maybe one day they become aware of it themselves too and start being more honest.
What I have changed since reading this book
What I have changed since reading this book is that I have learned to be more honest. Skipping the bullshit is about knowing myself better. Since I’ve read that book, I often question myself;
What I am bout to say, is that true for me?
I’m’ trying to be as honest and frank as possible, without my bullshit detector going off.